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drunk [Feb. 3rd, 2007|06:44 am]
And soo we laaaaaaaay we lay in the same grave, our chemical wedding daaaaaaaaaaay...
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(no subject) [Dec. 27th, 2006|07:12 pm]
[mood |calmcalm]
[music |Nas - Carry On Tradition]

So I haven't posted an update here in forever. As most people know, i've been back in the states for a few weeks now. I'm still enjoying the simple pleasure in life, enjoying the time I have to actually relax, listen to music in a relaxed atmosphere, video games, and of course beer.

Needless to say 2006 was a pretty big year for me. Looking back, the war, the extension, meeting an awesome girl, it all seems kind a crazy. It looks like 2007 is already shaping out to be pretty significant as well. I'm leaving the army, going back to school, and changing my location permanently. I'm pretty optimistic about things and I have a bright outlook on the future, couldn't ask for much else.

Right now I'm listening to the new Nas album. I'd say it's one of his best albums, much better than his last release. For those who don't know, Nas, is probably my favorite rap artist. If not for him, I probably wouldn't even appreciate the genre as much as I do. I appreciate the them behind the album too, "Hip Hop Is Dead". He basically slams his own genre for becoming commercialized watered down bullshit. A very ballsy release. Oh and him rapping with Jay Z is pretty fucking cool too.
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(no subject) [Aug. 22nd, 2006|10:32 am]
[mood |indescribableindescribable]

God is a creative genious. I'm not speaking of the creation of earth, the millions of different types of life, or even the make up of the cosmos. The true creativity of God, as it manifests in my life, is displayed in those times when I, in my never-ceasing foolishness, convince myself that I have already determined every possible outcome and variable that could arise in my current situation.

Iraq is sandy, it is dusty, it sucks balls. After a year it became obvious to me that I could expect much of the same during my extension: mere boredom, routine, indifference, a possible tragedy. But, as always, the unexpected happened. What a puzzle, what a mystery. But how can God not be credited when your eyes are shifted out of focus, reminding you that what you think you see is always far from all...
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BYAH! [Aug. 17th, 2006|11:40 pm]
[mood |frustratedfrustrated]
[music |Gay Salsa Music in the Background]

Yeah, so the papers talked to my mom and there was a stupid article about me in some papers back home. I know my mom had the best of intentions, to get my ticket money back from the airlines, but she ended up answering a lot of other questions that make the story a little too melodramatic for my tastes. Whatever, though, that's my mom.

I've been noticing, more lately, the different faces people put on when dealing with different individuals or groups. We all do it to an extent, me included of course, but it's sad how hard it is to truly trust someone. People withhold information or change their personalities slightly in order to hide things about themselves they think will drive others away. And a lot of the times, they're probably right. Everything comes out eventually though, so the end result is usually the same as if you were just straightforward to begin with. That's my theory anyway.

Every day here is hot and sucky. The job itself isn't that different then what I was doing before, I'm just tired of this shit. And this FOB is annoyingly spread out. It takes a while to walk anywhere, everything just seems like a big hassle, especially when it's 120 fucking degrees outside. Ok, I'll stop complaining, it's really not that bad and I'm not trying to make people feel bad for me.
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(no subject) [Aug. 7th, 2006|12:02 am]
[mood |listlesslistless]
[music |Tool - Jambi]

So if I could I'd wish it all away
If I thought tomorrow, would take you away
You're my peace of mind,
My Om, my center
I'm just tryin' to hold on
One more day

Damn my eyes!
Damn my eyes!

Damn my eyes
If they should compromise
Our fulcrum
Want and need; if I need it
Then I might as well be gone...
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The Misconceptions of the Ignorant [Aug. 2nd, 2006|02:41 pm]
[mood |angryangry]

I just finished reading an editorial opinion column in the Chicago Sun-Times that pissed me off. It basically said that all Americans should feel responsible for the thousands of Iraqi civilian deaths because our government is the reason their society has eroded into chaos. Here is an excerpt:

"The hundred who die every day are not merely numbers, they are real human beings. Their deaths are personal disasters for the dead person and also for all those who love them: parents, children, wives, husbands. Most Americans are not outraged. Iraqis are a little less than human...Is blood on the hands of those Americans who support the war? Again, one must leave them to heaven. But in the objective order it is difficult to see why they are not responsible for the mass murders..."

Even if we are to blame for the collapse of their former and blatantly oppressive regime, how does that relieve the perpretrators of violence, Sunis and Shiites, of the responsibility? I am the first to admit, the overly optimistic approach of "winning the hearts and minds" of the average Iraqi by forcing our western values on them probably is to blame for the current state of affairs. However, that does not change the fact that when a Shiite decides he doesn't like his Sunni neighbor and blows his head off and dumps his family in a river that he's blameless. It doesn't mean that average joe american should sit back and reflect "I really should feel responsible for over a thousand years of sectarian rivalry and hatred". The author of the column insinuates the government knew this would happen all along, an assumption I seriously doubt when I analyze the tactics we're using. Should the government have known? Should the average person have known? Maybe. But again, the cliche "Democracy will prevail" mentality got the better of a lot of us. How many people, before Iraq, really understood the difference between a Suni or a Shiite or a Kurd? How many people cared? Probably a very small number, but that doesn't mean their ignorance makes them as much a murderer as the fanatic who empties shells into babies? The author wants us to consider Iraqis as human equals yet patronizes them by characterizing them as small children who can't be held responsible for their own violent actions.
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Not Coming Home [Jul. 27th, 2006|03:14 pm]
I recently posted the following message on myspace. I figured this was a good place for it too


It's a heartbreaker to have to sit and write this message to you all, especially those who I've made plans with to see in the near future. I must inform you that my unit's tour in Iraq has been extended with no definite date of return. I will not be going on leave in September, I will not be returning to American soil for now. I'll explain briefly what's going on:

For those of you who watch the news and keep up with what's going on in Iraq, you've probably heard about the major attacks planned on Baghdad. For many reasons, Iraq's stability hinges on whether or not we can bring order to the capital city, at least, this is what the generals are saying. To do this they are calling on my unit for help.I am part of the 172d Stryker Brigade Combat team stationed in Fort Wainwright, AK. During my tour here we have been extremeley successful in bringing relative stability to northern Iraq, and our unit was specifically called on to aid the crisis in Baghdad where we will be moving to in the near future. We have been extended indefinetly, but most predict 4 months, 6 months max. All of this information can be found on yahoo news or cnn.com as my unit has managed to make national headlines from what I'm being told.

Though I am sad and upset by not being able to see all of you more than I could ever express at this point, I want all of you to know that I understand and accept this extension as my duty. I am proud to stand inside this moment of history beside my fellow service members and see this through to the end. I know all of you will support me and keep me in your prayers if your beliefs allow for that sort of thing. I can assure you that you will all be in mine, and I look forward to the day that I can be with you all again.

Much Love,


P.S. Expect to not see me online for a little while as I let this all settle in.
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amazing lyrics to an amazing song [May. 24th, 2006|11:09 pm]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[music |Tool - 10,000 Days]

Tool- 10,000 Days (Wings pt.2)

Listen to the tales and romanticize,
How we follow the path of the hero.
Boast about the day when the rivers overrun.
How we rise to the height of our halo.

Listen to the tales as we all rationalize
Our way into the arms of the savior,
Feigning all the trials and the tribulations;
None of us have actually been there.
Not like you.

Ignorant fibbers in the congregation
Gather around spewing sympathy,
Spare me.
None of them can even hold a candle up to you.
Blinded by choices, hypocrites won't [seek / see].

But, enough about the collective Judas.
Who could deny you were the one who
[would have made it, / illuminated]
You'll have a piece of the divine.

And this little light of mine, the gift you passed on to me;
I'll let it shine to guide you safely on your way,
Your way home ...

Oh, what are they going to do when the lights go down
Without you to guide them all to Zion?
What are they going to do when the rivers overrun
Other than tremble incessantly?

High as a wave, but I'll rise on up off the ground.
You [are / were] the light and the way, they'll only read about.
I only pray, [Heaven / God] knows when to lift you out.
Ten thousand days in the fire is long enough, you're going home.

You're the only one who can hold your head up high,
Shake your fists at the gates saying:
"I have come home now!
Fetch me the spirit, the son, and the father.
Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended.
It's time now!
My time now!
Give me my, give me my wings!"

Give me my wings!

You are the light and way, that they will only read about.

Set as I am in my ways and my arrogance,
Burden of proof tossed upon the believers.
You were the witness, my eyes, my evidence,
Judith Marie, unconditional one.

Daylight dims leaving cold fluorescence.
Difficult to see you in this light.
Please forgive this bold suggestion:
Should you see your Maker's face tonight,
Look Him in the eye, look Him in the eye, and tell Him:
I never lived a lie, never took a life, but surely saved one.
Hallelujah, it's time for you to bring me home.
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10,000 Days [May. 20th, 2006|09:29 pm]
The new Tool album, 10,000 Days, is absolutely amazing. It is the most original gutsy album I've heard in years. The average running time for the songs on this cd is like 8 minutes. Have fun dealing with that, radio.

Amazing band, they never cease to impress me, their stuff gets better every album. If only they didn't take 5 year leave of absences between writing.
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(no subject) [May. 8th, 2006|11:55 pm]
I wish I brought Dream Theater with me...I'm a fool.

"The way your heart sounds
makes all the difference
It's what decides if you'll endure
the pain that we all feel
The way your heart beats
makes all the difference
In learning to live
Spread before you is your soul
So forever hold the dreams
within our hearts
Through nature's inflexible
I'm learning to live"

Learning to Live is the only song I've listened to that expresses everything I've ever wanted to live up to.
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